No Core Nugget

September 18, 2017

in Waking Up, Growing Up

Today I opened an email from one of my wise friends, Wayne Dodge, offering his thought about my line in my recent blog “Although I may not have gotten to the core nugget . . . ” Wayne’s offering: “What if there is no core nugget? What then? There, for me, is often the deeper acceptance.”

Zing – my mind, my heart melted instantaneously into recognition. Surrender. Compassion.  Instead of narrowing down to a nugget, deeper acceptance feels more to me like heart and mind expansion, merging with an infinite field, explanation not necessary.

Thank you Wayne! This strikes right into the heart of the mystical aspect of the passage I am navigating. I’ve been awash in a multitude of extraordinary moments flooding in from so many different directions that forming my thoughts and words to satisfactorily describe seems out of reach. I feel and hear my soul calling for expression and am convinced that learning to articulate in a connecting way with others is a vital learning edge for me. Just as opening to receive is a newer way of “being” in flow, so will learning to openly express my soul view.

I have to start somewhere so I intend to follow up in this blog. In my shadow workshop I remind people that when we begin to unearth and bring into the light aspects of ourselves that have lain dormant, it is natural to bumble along awkwardly for a while, which is what I expect to be doing.

Synchronicities have been abounding, to the degree that I am relaxing and taking them more in my stride. Instead of “wow” it is now more “of course.” These events are teaching me about what it is like to live in faith rather than strategy and control.

I mention synchronicities because amongst other things they are happening regularly with books. Sometimes I stumble across a book I’ve read recently and open right to a passage that directly relates to what I’ve been thinking or wondering about. It isn’t hard in my home to literally stumble across a book because I have them on shelves, in baskets, on the floor, piled here and there. Although I’ve read many of them, there are lots of wanna-reads calling out to me. Sometimes I am suddenly drawn to one of the wanna-reads and it also opens to exactly what hits the spot.

Just after Wayne’s email today, I opened Bill Plotkin’s “Nature and the Human Soul”, one of his several books that I value. His work has been a profound influence for me.  The passages I read today illuminate an aspect of my current context, including embracing my elderhood and the accompanying responsibilities whole-heartedly.

He offers his compelling blueprint of authentic human development through an eco-centric (rather than ego-centric) lens in eight stages of life.  For now I will share what he has written about Stages 6, 7 and 8. Although I differ somewhat with a few of his ideas, he beautifully describes several things that I strongly relate to through direct experience or as an appealing idealogy.

Stage 6) The Artisan in the Wild Orchard

This is the stage of late adulthood, the stage of cultural renaissance. At this stage we are concerned with manifesting a genuine system for the delivery of our soul work. Our domain is the wild orchard, a robust environment of ripened fruit. We have discovered our unique vocation. Our induction into the circle of artistry is a cultural boon, but we are diligent in our cultivation of soul. We are learning how our soulwork is also artwork, and how to deliver it as a gift to the world. Art is paramount. Benevolence is primary, teaching is secondary. Our life is all about planting the seeds of our knowledge and communicating deeply with others: human, and other-than-human. We seek to cultivate the philosophy of soul-centrism and eco-centrism by imparting its wisdom onto others. We can now hear nature speaking a language older than words. Our ego is in full flight. We are becoming a creature with the capacity for mastery. “The world was made to be free in: this we know in our bones, and this definitive and fearful knowledge is what both supports us and requires us to turn away from our secure but less-than-joyful lives.” -Bill Plotkin

 Stage 7) The Master in the Grove of Elders

This is the stage of early elderhood, the stage of wholeness. At this stage we are concerned with the world as a whole, as a vibrating interconnected web of life. Our domain is a grove, a place that is linked to the entire ecosystem. We have planted our seeds and now we get to watch them grow. We have been crowned with the mantle of mastery and now we see with “over-eyes” how the energy of psyche/culture is joined and linked forever with the energy of nature/world. Wisdom is paramount. Vigilance is primary, observance is secondary. Our life is all about caring for the soul of the human and more-than-human community. We seek nothing more than to tend to the web of life with a humor of the most high. We can now both hear and speak, fluently, a language older than words. Our ego flies above all, tending to the way it all fits together. We are becoming a creature with the capacity to surrender to the cosmos.

 Stage 8) The Sage in the Mountain Cave

This is the stage of late elderhood, the stage of grace. At this stage we are concerned with tending to the universe as a whole. Our domain is a mountain cave, a place up high where the cosmic structure of the universe is displayed in all its glory. We have surrendered to grace. We are humbled by our wisdom, and honored to have lived a life of soul-centric/eco-centric relevance. Gratitude is paramount. Numinosity is primary, luminance is secondary. Our life is all about being one with cosmos and spirit. We seek nothing more than to let go, to give way. We have become a language older than words. Our ego is at rest, nesting in an infinite nest. We are becoming a creature with the capacity for rebirth, but first, death.

Caring for the soul of the human and the more-than-human community, I know this is possible, I know people who are living this now, the question is how to invite more into the community.

love light laughter linda



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September 5, 2017

in Waking Up, Growing Up

Last night I experienced ecstasy. Naturally. Within more-than-human community — communing with trees, stars, sky, the moon.

I am in a hot-tub, fresh pure clean water located at the base of a hill, surrounded by forest. Different than the dense, wild, tangled forest that I love so much on Gabriola Island. This is a pristine forest, pencil-straight trees shooting upward to the stars, the moon gleaming through their branches off to one side of me, half-way between where I lounge in the tub and the tops of the trees. As I look upward the trees tower above me and I can see the star and moonlit sky in the open spaces between their majestic trunks.

I realized that that as soon as I look for words to adequately describe these moments that I find so exquisite and begin reflecting on how glorious it all is, I have already distanced outside of pure experience, no longer present. So here again is another opportunity to truly surrender into now and and suspend mind chatter, assessing, analyzing, explaining.

Writing now, I am attempting to recall some of what I experienced. How long my surrendering lasted isn’t relevant — timeless, unmeasurable.

I believe the Greek origins of the word ecstasy are rooted in ek (outside or beyond) and stasis (standing, standing still.). This fits for my experience. My preference is to go with the idea of my ego having gone out, vacating the premises. Same as when experiencing orgasm I am not thinking about the grocery list or looking at the clock to calculate time. Time stands still, no consideration of the past or thought of the future.

And then peace. My currently somewhat beaten-up body is soothed by the gentle water jets. Breathing deeply with the trees in profound gratitude for their life-sustaining offering.

Yesterday I made a joke about “loving my cancer cells to death” — although to me it is not a joke. I mean it. I have no urge for war, to battle — too much of that throughout the course of my tumultuous life in one way or the other. I consider that perhaps the cell activation and growth was actually stimulated in reaction to my internal battles, conscious and unconscious, and now is the time for peace and unity.

I have never liked that phrase, whenever I hear “I love it/he/she to death” I tend to cringe.

Everyone has their own interpretation, however I tend to go to the image of surrounding another so tightly and thoroughly they are entrapped (my fear I know) and I shudder. Well, seems to me now I see an application for loving to death. This is what I will do with the cancer cells in my body. Surround them so thoroughly with light and loving that they dissolve, cease to exist, die. The necessity to separate, divide, multiply, dominate, take over will no longer be required.

If all growth is on behalf of life, then these cells have decided there is a threat, a division, and they have to break away and form their own “community” for survival. It is the task of my larger, wholistic self-community to reintegrate the breakaway’s, invite them back into the fold so to speak. Address my inner incongruencies and conflicts. Fighting hostility with hostility has infinitely proven not to work as far as I know.

As Bill Plotkin’s work so beautifully encourages, recognize these rogue cells as loyal soldiers — let them know the war is over, time to stop now, honour them for the work they have done and send them to a peaceful retirement, possibly with an alternative for their skills. I’ll think about this one — this must be a complete transformation. What transformation is possible?

Like I say, this is a 30-minute blog so although my imagination is in full swing and there is a lot more tumbling in, time to stop. Another waking up, growing up learning for me that is new:  learn to stop instead of pushing the river.

love, light, laughter, linda